I got a pay raise.
Today, one of my female co-workers came in with freshly tattoo’d eyebrows. She couldn’t make any expressions the whole shift. All her expressions were neutral. Forever neutral. I couldn’t stop laughing. Like, her voice would get really happy or really angry but she would have the most neutral expression on.
Stop punching your friends in the balls.
Every time they say a lame joke, I hit them in the balls. It’s a reflex.
The American dream.
America, fuck yeah.